Expectations

So many families seem to have unrealistic expectations of their hospital stay.  While it is annoying, I have to concede that perhaps no one  has told them what to expect.  So, I feel the need to do myself and my fellow staff a favor and provide an education.

1. You can expect to see a doctor once a day. Unless you are in the ICU, or something changes with the child, once is likely all you're gonna get.  We have lots of patients to care for as well as our own families.  So, don't be offended when the doctor isn't available on four seconds' notice at 2 am, or if he sounds groggy and exhausted if he does come in.

2. You may or may not see your regular doctor.  Many practices rotate which doctor sees hospital patients.  Whichever doc is assigned to hospital rounding while you are there is the one you will see.  In other places, hospital specialists (creatively called "hospitalists") see all admitted patients.  They don't have office practices, and you will follow up with your regular doctor.  If the doc who comes in isn't your regular one, feel free to ask if he or she will be coming in.

3. Your doctor's rounding time may or may not be consistent.  Most of us try to round at *about* the same time every day.  However, when you hear that your doc usually rounds around 8, don't take that as an 8 am appointment.  Rounds may be early if the doc has a busy day ahead.  Anything from traffic to personal issues to emergencies with other patients can make them late.  I once got yelled at by parents for being late to round on their child; what I could not ethically tell them is that I was late because I was attempting to resuscitate another child.  A friend of mine got his ass chewed for being later than expected when his wife was getting an emergency, preterm c-section.  His partner was out of town so he had to see the hospital patients himself.  He had no idea if his wife or child was going to survive, but went in because he had to.  So, please, remember that you don't have any way to know what is happening.

4. You will probably be expected to help care for your own baby.  Just because your baby is in the hospital doesn't mean you can kick back and do nothing.  Hospitals are employing fewer people these days, in order to keep spending under control.  Also, the role of nurses has expanded greatly.  Long gone are the days when nurses just fluffed pillows and handed out meds.  Today's nursing staff is way too busy assessing patients, making sure the doc didn't do something dumb and charting endlessly to do the fluffy pillow thing.  Want to piss off a peds nurse? Call out to ask one of them to change your baby's diaper while you sit there texting.

5. This is  not a hotel. A hospital's first priority is the medical care of its patients.  We will do our best to make parents comfortable, but there are limits.  We don't have Memory Foam mattresses or room service.  Sorry.

There are more but this damn post is too long.

Patient satisfaction: why your hospital stay is so damn expensive.

I understand why people would want to make sure people are "satisfied" with their hospital stay.  I understand why hospitals would want to make changes based on these scores.  However, the system is flawed and jacks up your healthcare costs.
For one, hardly anybody actually returns these things.  Essentially, only the pissed off people send them back.  I have been a patient in the ER and I ignored my survey.  There was nothing special about my visit.  I came, waited my turn, got treated, and went home. I didn't think there was anything worth bothering with the survey.
For another, the survey doesn't focus on what is important.  My hospital got dinged on the fact that the kids didn't like the taste of the food they were offered.  News flash, it's a hospital.  We serve balanced meals, which means fruits and veggies on the plate.  Every meal can't be chicken nuggets, mac-n-cheese, and french fries.  That seems to be what the kids want, though.
We also got dinged because the sleeper chairs were uncomfortable.  I am somewhat of a connoisseur of hospital sleeper chairs.  They're ALL uncomfortable.  They're hard and flat.  They gotta be durable, since thousands of people use them.  They gotta be easy to disinfect, because, well ew. Those things come before comfort.  Oh, and they don't accommodate two adults.  That's because they tend to want to make more kids on them.  We got really dinged on the color scheme.  No one who filled out the survey liked the color scheme.
Did I mention that we had maybe 5 surveys, out of hundreds of patients?  None of them had any problems with nurse or physician communication skills, clinical skills, or anything important like that.  So, to get higher satisfaction results, we are spending a buttload of money to redecorate, including replacing practically new sleeper chairs.
So, the next time you or a loved one are in the hospital, please fill out the survey.  Be honest, but try not to rage on things like the wall color that have nothing to do with your medical care.

Kids and guns

Imma start this post by just sayin: I am a gun rights advocate.  I see nothing at all wrong with teaching kids about guns and even letting them shoot small rifles of their own with proper supervision.

That being said, when the recent incident where a toddler was shot by a sibling playing with his first rifle hit the news I was livid.  What dumbass lets their kid play with a real gun while they do housework??  And the excuse that they didn't know it was loaded?  Pure stupidity.  One of the first rules of gun safety is treat all guns as if they are loaded, all the time!

This would not have happened if the child had only been allowed to handle the gun under supervision, and if it had been locked up at all other times.  Little kids don't have the ability to understand lethality.  That's why you can't just let a bunch of 5 year olds play next to a busy street without supervision.  Granted, some kids are more responsible than others.

Bottom line:  If you want to teach your kids to shoot, that's fine.  But you can't teach safe firearm handling if you don't understand it yourself.  Even though Crickett rifles are meant to be handled by kids, they aren't toys and shouldn't be treated like them.  Period.

Prom Season

Prom season is approaching, and I have a few things to say to the nation's teenagers:
1. You don't need to drive while plastered.  In fact, you don't need to get plastered.  Prom is supposed to be something to remember; if you are too drunk to remember, it defeats the purpose.  I get tired of seeing teenagers in pieces.  Besides, that dress is too cute to ruin with puke and blood.

2. It's okay if you don't get laid.  I promise I won't tell anyone.  Seriously, though.  Guys, just because you pay for the date does NOT mean she's gotta put out.  She can still say no if she wants, and NO MEANS NO.  If you force the issue, it's rape.  For all of you, if you don't want to have sex, then don't!  If you do, make sure you have done everything you can to prevent STDs and pregnancy.

3. If you don't get a date, or your date ditches you, or whatever, it isn't the end of the world. The only thing more depressing than taking care of pieces of kids who've crashed their cars is taking care of the ones who fry their brains in a suicide attempt.  Life goes on, K?

4. Ya don't need to mix chemicals in your brain.  Do I really gotta explain this one?  Most of those things kill brain cells.  They don't come back, ever.

There are more, but I'm too damn tired.