Prom Season

Prom season is approaching, and I have a few things to say to the nation's teenagers:
1. You don't need to drive while plastered.  In fact, you don't need to get plastered.  Prom is supposed to be something to remember; if you are too drunk to remember, it defeats the purpose.  I get tired of seeing teenagers in pieces.  Besides, that dress is too cute to ruin with puke and blood.

2. It's okay if you don't get laid.  I promise I won't tell anyone.  Seriously, though.  Guys, just because you pay for the date does NOT mean she's gotta put out.  She can still say no if she wants, and NO MEANS NO.  If you force the issue, it's rape.  For all of you, if you don't want to have sex, then don't!  If you do, make sure you have done everything you can to prevent STDs and pregnancy.

3. If you don't get a date, or your date ditches you, or whatever, it isn't the end of the world. The only thing more depressing than taking care of pieces of kids who've crashed their cars is taking care of the ones who fry their brains in a suicide attempt.  Life goes on, K?

4. Ya don't need to mix chemicals in your brain.  Do I really gotta explain this one?  Most of those things kill brain cells.  They don't come back, ever.

There are more, but I'm too damn tired.